It's Official

It's been exactly a month since Little S nursed. It's official -- at 2 years and 6 months, Little S has been weaned from the breast.

It had been surprisingly easy. I had been expecting him to cry his lungs out or throw tantrums, and be unable to sleep at night without his organic pacifier. He did cry a bit the first night, but when I reminded him that mommy already took the medicine, and showed him the injection site on my tummy for good measure, he stopped crying and started to giggle instead, poking at my tummy for fun. And that was it.

I also wasn't expecting it to be easy for me. When I first realized that I would have to wean Little S, I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness that I started to cry. I felt like I was about to lose a special bond with my child. My eyes would well up with tears every time I thought about it. I went to the La Leche League forum and read other women's accounts on weaning. Those who were forced to wean (because of medication, or gruelling work hours, or because their child suddenly self-weaned) talked of having the same feelings. One woman whose child self-weaned described the feeling as being dumped by the love of her life, who refuses to get back with her -- which was exactly what I felt like when Little S had a nursing strike. So I was expecting more or less the same crushing feeling when I finally stopped nursing.

But, to my surprise, I don't feel anything at all. Yes, I do miss breastfeeding, I do miss the closeness and the special time we had together -- it's all just a memory now. But, it feels like nothing major happened. Like this was the way things have always been.

I think it helped that Little S had gradually been weaning himself over time. During the last few months he had been nursing only once at night, and only on one breast. So, the transition to not nursing at all wasn't that hard.

Also, since I knew the exact date when I would be getting the shot, I did a countdown with Little S. I would tell him, okay, this is day 1. When we reach day 15, mommy will take the medicine, and you cannot nurse anymore. You will have to say bye bye to dede. And during that period, I would sometimes skip nursing for a night, so he would only be nursing every other night. I think all that gradual transition made everything easy and relatively tear-free.

Little S still asks to nurse sometimes, but I think he only says it for fun. The other day, I did an experiment. I pretended to give in and offered him my breast. He mouthed it for a second, then giggled and pushed away.

"Noooo..." he said, "I don't want to dede."
"Come on," I said, "Didn't you say you wanted dede?"
"Nooo..." he said, shaking his head and laughing.
"Why not? Have you forgotten how to do it already?"
"Yes."

I repeated the experiment this morning, with the same result. I think my breast grosses him out now. He mouths it for a second and then his face goes, "Ewww..."

Still, I think he remembers nursing as something special, something that he loved, otherwise he wouldn't be asking for it, even though he doesn't really want it anymore.

And that's enough for me.